Attachment to feeder insects?

[DCheezi]

For a bit of backstory, I've always been very empathetic to the point of stupidity. Stuff like saving fruitflies that land in the sink in summer and tiny spider and moths that get stuck inside.
Recently, I've brought a pack of feeder mealworms with the intention to feed them to my budding ant colony (L. Niger queen with 4 nurses and loots of brood), but I've gotten WAY too attached to the things, and I can't bring myself to kill them, even in the most humane way (boiling water) so I've had my mum kill a few to store for the near future. I got them with the intention to kill them humanely before feeding them to my ant colony, but I've felt so much guilt and shame at the thought of doing it.
I was very excited to have and feed the ants, but I haven't managed to kill a single mealworm for them so far
I know it's arguable that no insect has the ability to feel pain, and that mealworms beetles (tenebrio molitor) eat their own and other beetles eggs and larva, and I know that mealworms are arguably pests to grain stores, and I know that even if they could feel pain they'd not face being bitten to death by my ants, but I'm daft
Does anyone else have trouble with killing the feeder insects? I'm a 17 year old and I feel like I'm acting like a child

[LasiusSapien]

i get where you're coming from but look at it from this point of view 1 quick and painless death(that's all any of us can as for) to provide life for 10's of others

also it help to see insects as functions of nature more like biological machines than simple life forms

[DCheezi]

I've never thought of it that way. One quick death of an incredibly basic creature for a future for thousands. It really helps, thanks